Speaking. Neighbours

Neighbors are the people who live near us.

Is having good neighbors important? Why?

"Good walls make good neighbors" (Robert Frost). What does this saying mean?

People usually don’t comment that they have a good neighbor, but they will comment when they have a bad one. Are you a good neighbor or a bad neighbor?

Fill in the questionnaire:

How many of these suggestions do you follow?

Parties/Noise
§         Keep parties small; 3-4 guests
§         Pick up trash outside promptly after the party
§         Make sure your guests follow parking regulations
§         Use respectable language while outside
§         Keep the noise level low, especially at night when neighbors are sleeping
§         Let your neighbors know a day or two in advance of your party.
§         Give them your phone number so they can call YOU if there is a problem

§         Encourage your guests to use the restrooms indoors.
§         Don’t use beer ads, bottles or cans as decorations in windows
§         Keep your party inside and quiet after 11:00 p.m.

 General Tips
§         Say “Hello” to the neighbors
§         Offer to help elderly neighbors

§         Make sure you and your guests respect the property of others.

 Animals
§         When your dog is outside, keep him/her in a fenced-in area or on a leash.
§         Clean up after your dog in your yard and when you’re taking him/her for a walk.
§         Keep cats in the house.
§         Keep your dog from barking all the time.
§         Take your pets to the vet for checkups.

 Parking
§         When parking on the street, don’t block a neighbor’s driveway.

 Security/Safety
§         Turn on your porch light at night

§         Always keep your house locked.
§         Ask your neighbors to watch your  house while you’re away.
§         Stop your mail and newspapers when you’re away for more than a day.

In your opinion, what are the qualities of a good neighbor?

First of all, what makes a bad neighbor?

Loud music,

Working television sets,

keeping late hours,

driving too fast,

leaving on your outside lights all day long,

letting your dog bark and run everywhere.

Secondly, what makes a good neighbor?

A nice garden,

quiet music,

no loud parties,

be friendly, don’t forget to say “Hello”

driving at the speed limit if there are children in the neighborhood,

Being helpful. When a new neighbor moves in, offer to help unpack the boxes.

A neighbor has a baby? Offer to baby-sit.

Besides helping with moving in, be sure to introduce yourselves to the new neighbors. Also, find out if they have kids and if they do, tell them where all the children in the neighborhood live. Tell them where the good places to eat are and where the good places to shop are. If possible, take a dessert or a plate of cookies to make them feel welcome.

It is not too hard to be a good neighbor or a better neighbor. It also isn’t very hard to welcome a new neighbor. After all, don’t you want your neighbors to be good neighbors?

"My neighbours are the best," says Sandy Richards. When her husband was diagnosed with cancer and couldn't continue with his yard work, their neighbour Nom came to help out. "He cut the lawn all summer - and we have a big lawn," Richards explains. "He also cleaned around the pool”. Richards smiles. As her husband's condition became worse, all of the neighbours came together to help. They also repaired some broken boats because he spent his "good days" sitting there. "When my husband died, all the neighbours helped on the day of the funeral," Richards remembers. "They are all really wonderful and kind. I don't know how I could live without their help," Richards says

Marg Smith found her neighbour to be a watchful eye during a stressful time - she was living in Toronto when she and her husband broke up. When she started dating again, through contacts made on the Internet, her elderly neighbour was always awake to make sure she had arrived home safely. "That woman was my second mom," says Smith. "Even at 3:00 a.m., she was there to make sure that she saw my face. She was afraid I would meet a killer." Now Smith has a second husband, and they've been married just over a year, living outside of Toronto. "I still miss that caring, loving neighbourhood of Bloor West Village," she says.

• Use washing machines, vacuum cleaners and other noisy equipment during the day, not at night

• Do noisier jobs during the day

• Inform your neighbours if you're having a party and try to keep noise to a minimum

• If you play a musical instrument, do not practice early in the morning or late at night

• Try to carry out unavoidable noisy activities during the hours of: 8.00am - 7.00pm - Weekdays/Saturdays, 10.00am - 5.00pm - Sundays

Steps

1. Introduce yourself. Whether you're new in the neighborhood or new residents have just moved in on your block, introduce yourself. Say hello, offer a welcoming gift (the classic homemade pie never fails) and share or ask about the local area: "Where's the nearest pizzeria?" or "The garbage truck comes by on Tuesdays and Fridays, usually around 10 in the morning, but sometimes he sneaks in at 8."

Being friendly with your neighbors can make your life easier and enjoyable.

1. Consider your neighbors' lifestyle. Get to know your neighbours--what they do for a living, what their schedules might be like, and so on. Sometimes, you can remedy problems before they even start; for example, if they work nights, quiet mornings will be important for them. If they have young children, quiet evenings will be very important to them. Similarly, give them information that'll help them be more considerate of your lifestyle. If you do a lot of yard work, or if your teenage son plays the drums, let them know in advance and mention that if it's getting too loud, they shouldn't hesitate to let you know.

Keep your garden tidy. Weed your garden regularly, because the presence of weeds in your yard is not only unsightly but can also spread to your neighbor's yard. Mow your lawn regularly and keep your flowers, trees and bushes trimmed appropriately. Put equipment away as soon as you're finished with it. Ask if your neighbor has chemical sensitivities, small children or pets before applying pesticides.

Control your bonfire, barbecue or backyard fire. Position it where the smoke and smell will least likely blow onto your neighbor's property. As with parties, notify them in advance of your intentions, since they might have been planning to dry their clothes outside on that very same day!

Put rubbish/garbage out on the right day. Only put your rubbish/garbage out on the day it's due for collection. If you accidentally miss the collection, bring it back onto your property immediately and try to contain it well. Garbage can attract vermin, insects, and other pests, and is also unsightly.

Communicate with your neighbor. Above all, touch base with your neighbors regularly and keep them in the loop. Remember the golden rule and if anything you are planning to do may affect them, minimize it and let them know in advance. Keep the channels of communication open by reminding them that if you're doing anything which disturbs them, they should feel comfortable approaching you about it.

Communicate - It may seem hard to believe, but often neighbors aren't aware that their behavior could possibly bother anyone else. And once they find out, they're happy to fix it.

Keep Visits Short - Unless it's a formal invitation to come over for lunch or coffee, you don't need to bring anything when you stop by. If you have to stop by unannounced, to borrow something or ask a question, try to keep the visit short - about 5 or 10 minutes - so you're not imposing on other people's plans.

If Nothing Works - If you just can't seem to agree with a neighbor, even after you've talked it over, mediation can be a good solution. Mediators are third-party experts who try to create win-win solutions to conflicts by remaining neutral. They would meet with both you and your neighbors to try to come up with a resolution that satisfies everyone.

The process and the decisions made in mediation are completely voluntary, but it's helpful in uncovering deeper issues that underlie the problem or when emotions are tense. You can find a mediator by checking the Yellow Pages. And the fees are pretty reasonable: About $35 for the mediator to contact the second party and an additional $25 if mediation comes to the table.

Neighbors may also make your life brighter and more interesting. For example, you may have interesting discussions about almost every sphere of life – those discussions could even be intelligent and about different philosophical problems.

Therefore, you must keep in mind that you are also a neighbor to someone, so you are supposed to have all the qualities mentioned above as well.

I don't want to hate my neighbours, but they leave me no choice

Do your neighbours drive you crazy?
Have you tried your best to resolve the matter in a diplomatic fashion through the 'proper channels', only to have it thrown back in your face?
Does the fact that they are ruining your quality of life and don't seem to give a hoot make you want to tear your own hair out (and possibly theirs too)?
Are you gradually losing your sanity? Or is it far too late and your sanity has already packed its bags and moved to a sparsely populated country?

If so, this is the group for you.

*THESE PEOPLE MUST BE STOPPED!*

Where do they come from? Why are there so many of them? Is it nature or nurture: were they born inherently selfish, or simply raised without a concept of common courtesy?

Typical offences include: excessively loud music, endlessly howling/shrieking/property-destroying pets, unbearable continuous noise caused by badly/non insulated laminate wooden flooring, physical and/or verbal threats, absurd counter-claims that both you and said neighbour know are completely unfeasible, or any other such form of general selfishness and stupidity.

Please feel free to use this space to vent your rage (NO interpersonal rudeness and/or disputes please), swap help and advice on dealing with a nightmare neighbour, or simply to feel that you aren't the only person in the world blessed with living next to/beneath/above/opposite a complete and utter imbecile.

This group does NOT condone or promote the use of violence/aggression/immature and/or threatening behaviour towards others. On the contrary, it promotes the use of diplomacy, decency and consideration for others.

Useful links:

http://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/house-and-home/property/loathe-thy-neighbour-885891.html

http://www.planningportal.gov.uk/uploads/br/BR_PDF_ADE_2003.pdf

http://www.nfh.org.uk/

http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/

http://www.ehjournal.net/

Amusing links:

How To Choose Your Next Apartment: The Ultimate House Buying Test
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=bVRFmF6oXtc (ショートバージョンを表示)

Do your neighbours drive you crazy?
Do they ruine your quality of life?

Questions for discussion:

1. what are the qualities of a good neighbour?

2. ----- bad neighbour

3. How do you greet a new neighbour?

4. Is it important to be in good relations with neighbours?

5. work out 10 top tips to be a good neighbour

6. do you have examples of bad neighbours in your experience?

Role-play:

Imagine that you live in a house with little children. You have new neighbours – a young couple. They often have parties and your children can’t sleep at night. You tried to speak to the young woman about this problem but she seems not to hear. This night all your family couldn’t sleep again because of loud music and voices of people. In the morning you had a very important meeting with a business client and the children were late for school. Talk to your neighbours about this problem.

You live in a flat. Your upstairs neighbour is always too noisy! He walks so loudly as if he wears ninety kilograms in each of his shoes. He walks around his apartment during all hours of the day and night. It’s unreal. You spoke to him about this before. You went up and politely explained the problem. But he seems not to hear. Today you woke up with a headache because all the night he was moving the furniture and you couldn’t sleep. Talk to your neighbour about this problem.

Imagine that you live in a house with little children. Your neighbours have a big garden. Some of their trees are so big that the branches are on your land. And one of the trees is likely to fall onto your property. You are afraid because the house can be damaged and the children can be hurt. Talk to your neighbours about this problem.

______________________________________________________________________

You live in a flat. Your upstairs neighbour is an elderly woman. She is always angry, never says “hello” and often tries to argue about “loud” music in your flat. But yesterday you came home from work and found a pool of water in the kitchen. Everything was wet! The water was running from the ceiling. Your neighbour didn’t open the door yesterday. Try to talk to her today.

I hate my neighbors

My fiance and I rented a very nice house in the country. Sits on about an acre. The landlord leaves us alone (haven't seen her since we signed the lease) and also takes care of any problems with the house right away. It is a beautiful area, used to be very peaceful. However, recenly some new neighbors moved in next door (bought the house) and they are annoying the h*ll out of me. It is a shame too because they are a young couple around our age with a 2 year old daughter (my fiance has a 9 year old son that lives with him full time). They seemed nice enough in the beginning and I guess they are still "nice".

First of all they have a dog that they allow to run loose most of the time. Normally they are outside and will yell at the dog to stay in their yard if they see him wandering off. They only own maybe a quarter of an acre of ground so not a lot of room for the dog (large mixed breed) to run around. However, they seem to encourage the dog to run around in OUR yard. Yesterday they were throwing a tennis ball for the dog and throwing it out across our driveway and into our yard. I really don't want them encouraging the dog to use our yard as it craps all over the place and most recently in flowers I just planted this weekend.

My fiance is on friendlier terms with the neighbors than I am- he gave them some firewood for a bonfire and when the guy was trying to find his septic tank my fiance helped him dig around to find the lid. The neighbor also came over recently and asked my fiance if he could borrow our shovel so he could cover the septic tank back up. They have also thrown a large antenna on a pile of blocks our landlord has near the property line (but on OUR side of the property) The guy told my fiance he put it there so he could mow his grass but has NEVER moved it. My fiance doesn't want to make waves with the new neighbors and is generally more laid back than I am anyway. So he just says they are hurting anything.

Last night my fiance's son saw a boy his age at the neighbor's house and went over and asked if he could play. They said ok so they played for about an hour. (It was their nephew). So then the kid comes to our house to play (which was fine) and is there about half an hour. The kids are in the house and the woman from next door (she is 30) came over and I was in the bedroom and the kids were in my fiance's son's bedroom and this twit doesn't even knock on the door, she just opens it an walks in and yells to the kid "get out here it's time to go home!" and waits for him. I find that incredibly RUDE and offensive. You don't just walk into someone's house without knocking, especially someone's house you've never even been inside!

They also annoy me with their costant burning every single weekend and this past weekend they kept letting off fireworks. (just the noise makers) Now I don't care if my neighbors let off fireworks all day on July 4th but in the state I live in they are illegal and there is no need to let them off just to make noise! Also their dog chases our vehicles up our driveway every time we come home. The dog gets so close to the front tires if you just drifted to the left a little you would run it over. This infuriates me because # 1 control your damn dog! #2 I accidently hit a dog (at night on a freeway) last year and I was traumatized by it. I felt horrible. I don't want that to happen again.
My fiance says if the dog runs in front of him and he hits it he's not going to lose any sleep because the neighbors should control their dog.

I did tell them not to throw the ball for their dog into our yard yesterday. I said it nicely but i'm sure they took offense to it. I just don't understand why people don't have any common courtesy toward others anymore. I don't expect perfect neighbors but these yahoos just irritate me to no end. We've tried to be neighborly (my fiance invited them over to a cook out, I invited them to bring their daughter over to see our kittens, my fiance has helped the guy out with a few things etc. I just don't understand why they think it is ok to walk into your house without knocking, and let their dog use someone else's yard as it's personal playground and bathroom?

What advice can you give?

I had an upstairs neighbor who placed every object in his apartment as far away from where he would need to use it as was possible. Perhaps he was trying to lose weight, for he walked several miles a day above us.

Then, there was a lady next door who had several episodes a week of crying “Oh Baby, oh baby, oh, baby!” We never saw a person other than herself come in or out of that apartment, and we started blasting her with the loudest music we had.

I miss that apartment.